Integrity Health
855-550-2348
MENU
Integrity Health
Where Optimal Health Is The End Result!

Dear Diary

  Follow me: Laurie Gouley on Twitter Laurie Gouley on Facebook
Fri, Jul 18, 2014 at 4:30AM

A friend sent this to me and thought I would share...no idea who the original writer is...wish I could give them credit as this is the funniest thing I have read in a long time.

Hope it puts a smile on your face  :)

 


 

Dear Diary, 

 

For my birthday this year, I purchased a week of personal training at the local health club.

Although I am still in great shape since being a high school football cheerleader 43 years ago, I decided it would be a good idea to go ahead and give it a try.

I called the club and made my reservations with a personal trainer named Christo, who identified himself as a 26-year-old aerobics instructor and model for athletic clothing and swim wear.

Friends seemed pleased with my enthusiasm to get started! The club encouraged me to keep a diary to chart my progress.

________________________________

MONDAY:

Started my day at 6:00 a.m. Tough to get out of bed, but found it was well worth it when I arrived at the health club to find Christo waiting for me. He is something of a Greek god-- with blond hair, dancing eyes, and a dazzling white smile. Woo Hoo!!

Christo gave me a tour and showed me the machines... I enjoyed watching the skillful way in which he conducted his aerobics class after my workout today. Very inspiring!

Christo was encouraging as I did my sit-ups, although my gut was already aching from holding it in the whole time he was around. This is going to be a FANTASTIC week!!

________________________________

TUESDAY:

I drank a whole pot of coffee, but I finally made it out the door. Christo made me lie on my back and push a heavy iron bar into the air then he put weights on it! My legs were a little wobbly on the treadmill, but I made the full mile. His rewarding smile made it all worthwhile. I feel GREAT! It's a whole new life for me.

_______________________________

WEDNESDAY:

The only way I can brush my teeth is by laying the toothbrush on the counter and moving my mouth back and forth over it. I believe I have a hernia in both pectorals. Driving was OK as long as I didn't try to steer or stop. I parked on top of a GEO in the club parking lot.

Christo was impatient with me, insisting that my screams bothered other club members.. His voice is a little too perky for that early in the morning and when he scolds, he gets this nasally whine that is VERY annoying. 

My chest hurt when I got on the treadmill, so Christo put me on the stair monster. Why would anyone invent a machine to simulate an activity rendered obsolete by elevators? Christo told me it would help me get in shape and enjoy life. He said some other crap too.

_______________________________

THURSDAY:

Butt hole was waiting for me with his vampire-like teeth exposed as his thin, cruel lips were pulled back in a full snarl. I couldn't help being a half an hour late-- it took me that long to tie my shoes.

He took me to work out with dumbbells. When he was not looking, I ran and hid in the restroom. He sent some skinny witch to find me.

Then, as punishment, he put me on the rowing machine-- which I sank.

_________________________________

FRIDAY:

I hate that jackass Christo more than any human being has ever hated any other human being in the history of the world. Stupid, skinny, anemic, anorexic, little aerobics instructor. If there was a part of my body I could move without unbearable pain, I would beat him with it.

Christo wanted me to work on my triceps. I don't have any triceps! And if you don't want dents in the floor, don't hand me the darn barbells or anything that weighs more than a sandwich.

The treadmill flung me off and I landed on a health and nutrition teacher. Why couldn't it have been someone softer, like the drama coach or the choir director?

________________________________

SATURDAY:

Satan left a message on my answering machine in his grating, shrilly voice wondering why I did not show up today. Just hearing his voice made me want to smash the machine with my planner; however, I lacked the strength to even use the TV remote and ended up catching eleven straight hours of the Weather Channel..

________________________________

SUNDAY:

I'm having the Church van pick me up for services today so I can go and thank GOD that this week is over. I will also pray that next year my husband will choose a gift for me that is fun-- like a root canal or a hysterectomy. I still say if God had wanted me to bend over, he would have sprinkled the floor with diamonds!!!


Bookmark & Share



User Comments


Be the first to comment on this post below!


Popular tags on this blog

Bedford Gym | Bedford NH | Berlin NH | Derry Gym | Eating Healthy | Exercise | EZ Coach Fitness Prescription | Fat Loss | Feeling Good | Getting Fit | Gorham NH | Health Coaching | Life Coaching | Londonderry Gym | Londonderry Location | Manchester, NH | Manchester Gym | Mind/Body Connection | New Hampshire Gym | NH Gym | North Conway, NH | North Conway Gym | Personal Training | Self Improvement | Weight Loss |

About Integrity

About Integrity

Integrity Health is a franchise company residing in New Hampshire. We specialize in health coaching centers combining fitness with weight loss to optimize and promote optimal health.

 

We are proud to carry NOW Foods and Supplements at all of our health coaching locations. Get health, stay healthy!  GMP Certified for quality assurance!

 

Over 400 group exercise classes 24 hours a day only at Integrity Health Coaching Centers! 
 
 
 

HEALTH COACHING LOCATIONS

Location
Integrity Health Coaching For Women Open 24/7
25 South River Road, Unit 111
Bedford/Manchester, NH 03110
Staffed Hours
Mon
10am
7pm
Tues
10am
7pm
Wed
10am
7pm
Thurs
10am
7pm
Fri
10am
6pm
Sat
9am-1pm
Phone
603-668-1001
FAX
603-668-0999
Email
Location
Integrity Fitness & Health Coaching Center 24 Hour Access
491 Main Street
Gorham, NH 03581
Staffed Hours
Mon
10am
7pm
Tues
10am
7pm
Wed
10am
7pm
Thurs
10am
7pm
Fri
10am
6pm
Sat
10am
2pm
Phone
603-915-9212
FAX
Email
Location
Integrity Health Coaching For Women Open 24/7
44 Nashua Road, Unit 18
Londonderry, NH 03053
Staffed Hours
Mon
10am
7pm
Tues
10am
7pm
Wed
10am
7pm
Thurs
10am
7pm
Fri
10am
6pm
Sat
9am-1pm
Phone
603-421-2811
FAX
Email
Location
Integrity Fitness & Health Coaching Center 24 Hour Access
1857 White Mountain Highway
North Conway NH 03860
Staffed Hours
Mon
9am
7pm
Tues
9am
7pm
Wed
9am
7pm
Thurs
9am
7pm
Fri
9am
6pm
Sat
10am
2pm
Phone
603-730-5572
FAX
Email
Location
EZCOACH Fitness Prescription Systems
Solutions For Fitness Centers
Staffed Hours
Mon-Fri
9am-6pm
EST
Phone
855-550-2348
FAX
Email
Find us on
©2017 Integrity Fitness. All Rights Reserved. // Privacy Policy | Site Map